Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Confessions of a stressed out parent...

Lately, I have not been enjoying my "job" of being a Mom as much as I used to. I seem to have lost my sense of humor. Between trips to the hospital and stomach flus, I am not fun to be around. So last night I went to a parent meeting at School. She was a family counselor and parent educator. It was titled "parent and child relationships and discipline". I couldn't wait to go and get some new tools to make me a better parent. She talked a lot about how children develop and how we need to have appropriate expectations, etc...(I know most of this, because I was a child development major, but it helps to be reminded) Then she talked about how parents anger affects children. And I realized she was talking about ME. I get angry easily and I yell. I feel that the only way they (mostly Cameron) will listen to me is if I am ANGRY. I am not validating his feelings behind his behavior or letting him express his feelings. The thing that really struck me is when she said that he had "serious anger issues" and that I was contributing to it... That was hard to hear I(in front of the entire school!!) So I am really going to try and be calmer and talk to my kids about how they are feeling instead of getting angry and yelling...Today was actually a great day, but hard for me to not yell, I guess it will take time. So tonight when I was putting Cameron to bed and he asks what I did today when he was at school. I said that I went to the bookstore and bought a book. He asked what it was called. I said "becoming the parent you want to be". He asked what that meant. I said "It is going to help me be a better Mommy". And he says "Is it going to help with the yelling?" Who needs a counselor, I should have just asked my 4 year old what I need to do!!

9 comments:

Old Lush said...

It's hard, huh? Especially because you are alone so much during the week...I hope you are doing, OK..I haven't see much of you online in the last several weeks, and I actually was wondering if you were feeling alright.

I read posts like this, and I appreciate your honesty and others like you who post things like this because I don't feel so alone when I have my own cruddy days.

Write me when you feel up to it.

Jen

allyn fratkin said...

hi lisa. you might want to read a book called "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. it really should be required reading for parents. and it should probably be read annually as a refresher.

Kristin said...

It's hard & we all have our days (weeks!) when we fall short of where we want to be... that whole "parent" as a verb is a constant organic challenge... always needing fine tuning!

Thanks for the honest post... the sunshine-all-the-time blogs can be hard to take!

Gracencameronsmomy said...

Thanks for the encouragement, I need it! What I failed to mention is tht I left that meeting crying all the way home....I used to be a prechool teacher, I should be able to do this!! I am much better now and working on it...Allyn, thanks for the book recomendation, I heard that one is good...
Lisa

savymanda said...

I love that post! It is hard, and like Jen said, we're alone so much of the time. A book I love is "Parenting with Love and Logic". It was a real life changer for me. I was parented in a "loud" home and so I really had to get past yelling being my "knee jerk" reaction to difficult situations. Like you said, it totaly gets easier with time and practice (some great parenting tools don't hurt).

Thanks for sharing, we all have stuff we need to work on!

My weakness is that gall dang TV!

Jodie said...

I understand how you feel. Being a mom is the hardest job in the world. So much is on our shoulders and we want so badly to raise responsible, loving, great kids...that's ALOT of pressure on us Moms!! You've inspired me to curb my (ahem) voice level. ;-)

M3 (Mary-Mia) said...

Thanks for sharing this Lisa. Sometimes it scares me when all I read are the "kids are wonderful all the time and I love every second" posts because I know I'm going to feel guilty and sub-par when I feel anything differently.

eastcoastermomma said...

I find it hard to reckon my feelings of frustration with the realization that they are directed at someone (my child) whom I love and wanted so much. It took me a long time to get that just because I was stressed or annoyed or even angry, I wasn't a bad mom.

I think it is good to stop and revaluate ourselves from time to time. Parenting is hard work and it isn't like a job where you get a raise or a promotion because you are doing it so well. You just keep going and going, like the Energizer rabbit.

Stephanie said...

I think that it is great of you to take the initiative and work towards a goal of becoming a better parent. We could all use some help when dealing with our kids.